Truth tellers

Have you heard of The Blissful Maven? She is this INCREDIBLE fine art photographer. Her work is amazing, beautiful, emotional and down right inspirational. She inspired me to shoot this...

She inspired me to make this...

She taught me how to make this MAGIC happen from a Clickin' Moms breakout...

I mean hot damn, right? If you haven't looked her up yet you should. I'll wait...

PHENOMENAL, right? I remember when I first started following her work. I was blown away. And almost a little jealous. She must not have kids, I thought. There is no way she can create SUCH beautiful photographs and have kids running around her feet while she's editing. 

But I was wrong. She is a mama. Her self portraits with her children can move you to tears. Which made me feel even worse.  I had this feeling of I must really suck at this because she's basically the photographer version of Beyonce and I can hardly get all my kids teeth brushed in the morning. 

And why? Why do we do this to ourselves? We are all trying really, really, really hard just to make it through the day. And some of us try even harder to make our lives look more beautiful on Instagram when the reality tells a much different story. That we have it all. That I can work--and being killing it at work; that I have children--and I'm raising them far better than the neighbors; that I can volunteer and donate money to things I am passionate about--but still give my children all the presents they want for their birthday.

It's exhausting. The struggle is real.

Then The Blissful Maven comes back and shines a light on what exactly I'm feeling with a Instagram post: a quote from Annabel Crabb's book, The Wife Drought.

"The obligation for working mothers is a very precise one: the feeling that one ought to work as if one did not have children, while raising one's children as if one did not have a job."

Stings a bit. That's the way I feel; and I think many mother's feel. You want to give your children the world; but also follow your own dreams. Am I away from them too much by working? Am I not showing them the possibilities that are out there by staying home? Not to mention provide for your children, which can feel crushing on a one income family. I think about the teachers at my kids school with their own young children. While they want to see their own kids on their special days, you have a classroom of 22+ kids waiting to see you because it's a special day.

I'll be honest. I don't know how to do it all...I fail everyday. I spread myself too thin and I/we loose. I don't know how to make my work/life/family balance better. I don't know if there is an easy answer or an answer at all. But until I figure it out, I'm gonna put my phone down and cuddle with my kids. When they are asleep, I'm going to hustle my tail off, editing, marketing, blogging, and making pretty photographs. And in between I'll look for the truth tellers, the inspiring people I look up to, and listen to those who need to be heard. Because ultimately, the mom life is a hard one, and while I may not be perfect; my perfect is in front of me right now, and that's all that really matters anyway.